She's so lovely
by Maxsprincess
Summary: How long can Max and Zoe keep their relationship hidden? When tragedy strikes, will the pair keep it together or will the fallout be too big?
1. Chapter 1

"I have never met a more self-obsessed manipulative individual in my life." Zoe sank down on the bench next to Max, grabbing his cigarette as she did so. Her normally immaculate hair had a faint bed head vibe to it and Max had to suppress a smile as he realised she was wearing his cologne. Zoe took a long drag before glancing over at him. "What are you grinning at?"

"I'm just admiring your new perfume." He laughed as her eyes widened in realisation.

"Shit! No one will recognise it will they? I'd completely forgotten, I left all mine at home." She ran a hand through her hair and closed her eyes, as with a jolt Max noticed she was on the verge of tears.

"Hey, come on, no one will notice," he said, resting a comforting hand on the small of her back, "I quite like it anyway." He smiled gently at her, watching as she composed herself. Eventually, she gave a weak smile in return, taking a deep breath.

"It's not that. I'm fine, it's just-" she trailed off, unwilling to burden him.

"Connie?" Max knew the pair had been having trouble getting along, but recently it seemed to have been affecting Zoe more that usual. She nodded, biting her lip.

"I feel like I'm letting people down. Nick and Charlie and everyone had so much faith that I'd sorted myself out but it's all gone to shit again." Her voice broke and she looked so vulnerable that he couldn't help but pull her into a hug, desperately trying to ignore the mention of Nick. Max wasn't sure quite what had happened between the two, and although he knew Nick had moved to America, he was still incredibly on edge about Zoe's feelings towards her ex.

They stayed that way, curled up on the bench, until Zoe gently extracted herself, wiping her eyes and smiling ruefully. "Sorry. I've got mascara on your shirt." She wiped at the damp patch on his top, avoiding his gaze until he softly tilted her chin up towards him.

"You're not letting anyone down," he whispered, his free hand stroking her cheek. He lent down and kissed her, tasting the gloriously addictive combination of lipstick and nicotine and Zoeness that was fast becoming his favourite flavour.

"Max," she mumbled against his lips, "we shouldn't be-" she broke off as he kissed her again, more forcefully this time in an attempt to shut her up. He grinned into her mouth as she bit his lip and snaked her hands into his hair. He pulled away briefly, gazing at her slightly flushed cheeks and eyes bright with lust. "And if this side of you is going become more common then you really do need to warn Charlie, he might find himself being ravished unexpectedly." he finished, leaping off the bench as she swiped playfully at him.

"Max!" She laughed and stood up, smoothing down her skirt. "I'd better be getting back, Connie's probably waiting to tell me more about my failings." As she began to walk off, she caught sight of Tess at the entrance of the ED. Quickly, she turned round, yanking Max behind a wall.

"What the-"

"Tess! What if she's seen us?" Zoe hissed, frantically glancing in Tess' direction. She couldn't risk showing any signs of weakness with Connie on the warpath, and Max was without doubt the biggest suggestion that she was returning to her more flawed roots.

"What if she has?" Max seemed remarkably ambivalent about the whole situation, his initial shock over being violently dragged by his collar having worn off. "Tess isn't a gossip, she wouldn't let on." He looked on amused as Zoe chewed her lip.

"We have got to be more careful. She could have been anyone! She could have been-" for the second time in ten minutes, Zoe was cut off as Max kissed her, this time pushing her against the wall. Zoe half-heartedly attempted to shove him off, but quickly surrendered as his hands found their way to her hips. She could feel herself losing herself in the moment until she was abruptly brought back to earth by Tess calling her name.

"Shit!" She wiggled out from Max's grasp. "I've got to go, and we,"she placed a quick kiss on his cheek "have got to be more careful."

**Hope y'all enjoyed the first chapter! Please R&R it'd be lovely. Also, did we all see the kiss? Oh. My. God. **


	2. Chapter 2

The following day, Zoe found herself longing for Max's company. Normally, she enjoyed her day off, revelled in having a break from all the chaos that seemed a permanent fixture in the ED. Since Nick had left she had become used to her own company, and even after starting up her - relationship? Could she call it that? - with Max, she had enjoyed spending her free day pampering herself. Today, however, she kept catching herself wondering what he was doing, when he'd be finished, even who he was talking to. She knew what it was of course - their fling had developed into something with feelings, at least on her part - but having gone so long being on her own, it seemed ridiculous the effect he was having on her. Suddenly, a knock on the door woke her from her reverie.

"Tess?" She wasn't sure who she'd been expecting to be at her doorstep at ten in the morning, but Tess certainly hadn't been top of her list.

"Hi Zoe." Her older colleague smiled warmly at her. "Is it okay if I come in?"

Zoe stepped back and led the way to the kitchen, a slight feeling of nausea washing over her as she realised the most likely reason for Tess' visit.

"Coffee? Tea? It's too early for wine, right?" Zoe laughed nervously, wincing at how guilty she must be appearing. It wasn't as though she had anything to feel bad about; Max and she were both fully grown adults, and considering how completely irresistible he was, she was being incredibly professional about it.

"I'll have a tea please." Tess was watching Zoe with interest - it wasn't often she got nervous. "How is everything?"

"Fine yeah." Zoe placed the two mugs on the table. "I could do without Guy Self breathing down my neck, but other than that-"

"Zoe." Tess gently interrupted. "I know. About you and Max?" She took a sip of tea. "I think it's great."

"You do?" Zoe looked in surprise at Tess. She'd been expecting a lecture, the Spanish Inquisition, something massively more painful that the reality was turning out to be. "It's nothing serious, I mean, he's nearly ten years younger than me, and I'm sure he doesn't want to be dealing with someone with as much baggage as me." She sat herself opposite Tess. "And what's everyone going to say?" Although she hadn't said it out loud, both women knew what she meant. A porter going out with a Clinical Lead? Even Zoe was having trouble with the status gap and she was the one in the relationship.

Tess reached across the table and held her hand. "Zoe, it wasn't you that gave it away. Have you seen the way he looks at you?" Zoe blushed, knowing exactly what Tess was referring to. On a couple of occasions, she'd turned to find Max gazing at her as though he couldn't decide whether to take her to bed or worship the very ground she walked on.

"But Tess, I don't know how to handle it. We've not discussed anything and I've not-" Zoe trailed off, resting her head in her hands. Tess watched her carefully for a minute, trying to assess what impact what she was about to say would have.

"Zoe, you don't need to handle it. It's just," Tess paused as Zoe looked up "he really does like you. Be careful how far you want to take it, because he's pretty far gone already." She stood up and picked up the now empty mugs as Zoe sat, slightly shell-shocked at Tess' revelation about Max's feelings.

"Right, I've got to get back to work." Tess announced, placing the mugs in the dishwasher. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course." Zoe stood and hugged her friend. "And thank you." Tess returned her smile before heading back to her car, waving as she drove off in the direction of the ED. As Zoe turned to go back inside, Tess' words filled her thoughts. She hadn't realised her feelings towards Max were reciprocated, but she was suddenly unbelievably happy about the whole situation. Max liked her. Really liked her. She could feel herself grinning like an idiot as she threw herself down on the sofa, reaching for her phone. Scrolling through her contacts, she found Max's number and quickly called, mentally telling herself to calm down.

"Hey, it's me."

"Yeah I know, your caller display sort of told me." She could practically hear him lounging against the wall, hiding from Louise or Charlie or whoever it was that wanted him to do some actual work.

"Shut up. Shouldn't you be pushing some trolleys or something?" She laughed as he gave an indignant gasp.

"I am on a break! Anyway, I'm on the phone to the boss so I'm not sure it's going to be much of an issue."

Smiling, Zoe glanced over a photo on her fridge. It was from the previous week, one Max had taken without her realising. He was leaning in to kiss her, and she had her eyes shut. She had never seen herself look so at peace with the world. "Zoe?" Max's voice tore her gaze away from the fridge.

"Yeah sorry. I was just wondering if you wanted to do something tomorrow?" She sat up, pouring herself a glass from the ever present bottle of wine next to the sofa.

"Sure, there's a posh restaurant that's just opened in town, I could pick you up at seven?"

"Great. And Max-" she grinned as she heard Louise yelling at him to come back inside.

"Yeah?"

"Don't be late."

**Oooo two in one day, how exciting. Sorry (not sorry) for all the fluff, it'll start to heat up next chapter. R&R y'all. X**


	3. Chapter 3

"I've got coffee." Max whispered, setting the cup down on the only free area of desk he could see. Zoe winked her thanks at him and gestured for him to shut the door as she finished her phone call.

"Okay. Yeah, that's great. Bye." She sighed as she hung up and took a huge gulp of the coffee. "God did I need that."

"Long day?" Max said, leaning against Connie's desk.

"Something like that." She gestured at his reclining figure. "Careful, she'd have a fit if she saw you."

"Now there's something I'd love to see." He grinned as she downed the rest of her coffee with one hand while rummaging in her desk for some pain killers. "Anyone would think you were old hat at hangovers."

"I am not hungover!" She pulled out the pills with a flourish before wincing and holding her clearly pounding head in her hands. "I just have a headache."

"Yeah, and I've just signed a record deal."

"Anyway, what makes you think I'm not old hat?" Zoe looked up at him, eyebrows raised and Max got the sense that there was a whole lot that she wasn't telling him. Any reply he was about to formulate was, however, cut short as Charlie burst through the door, throwing a confused look in Max's direction before turning back to Zoe.

"Zoe, you're needed on site. There's been a helicopter crash and they need an experienced doctor with them." Zoe sighed and heaved herself up, handing her empty coffee mug to Max with a wink.

"Duty calls." She followed Charlie out of her office leaving Max standing slightly forlorn, watching her go with a sense of apprehension. Anything where an experienced medic was required was normally serious, he'd learnt that much, and whatever his messed up emotions towards Zoe were, they meant he wasn't sure he'd cope if anything happened to her. Realising how odd he looked standing alone in the middle of her office, he quickly headed outside to clear his head. In the last few weeks, he'd completely fallen for Zoe, though she didn't know it yet. He'd wake before her and watch her sleep, dark hair falling across her face. He'd make a complete fool of himself to make her laugh because it was the most incredible sound he'd ever heard. He'd buy her coffee and doughnuts because when he did she beamed at him like he'd done something magnificent.

Obviously, he hadn't told her this yet.

"Nah, the green really brings out your eyes." Max mentally shook himself as he heard Jeff and Zoe approach the ED entrance. Despite his reservations, he couldn't help but laugh as Zoe emerged, tugging at the unflattering jumpsuit as she hurried after Jeff. Not wanting to draw attention to himself, he lent back against the wall, content with watching the pair from afar. Only when the flashing lights of the ambulance were no longer visible did he make his way inside.

An hour later, there was still no news. Max was spending perhaps more time than was necessary waiting at the nurses' station, hoping that any minute now Tess or Charlie would appear with news of Zoe's imminent arrival. Eventually, the red phone rang and Max had to do everything in his power to stop himself pouncing on it. He patiently waited as Charlie took the call, looking for any signs in his face that everything had gone to plan. However, when Charlie put the phone down and caught Tess' eye, shaking his head almost imperceptibly, Max's stomach dropped.

"What's happened? Is she - they, are they okay?" Max looked frantically between the two nurses. Tess came over and gently led him away to the staff room - his sudden outburst of concern for Zoe was drawing attention from the rest of the department who weren't aware of their relationship.

"Max, you need to calm down." Tess shut the door, signalling to Charlie that she'd be through in a minute.

"Why? What's happened?" Max knew he was being indiscreet but he couldn't bear not knowing.

"The helicopter's collapsed." Tess sat down next to him, and he could see just how upset she was about the situation - he covered her hand with his, comforting both of them. Tess took a deep breath. "And Zoe's inside."

As Max tried to take in what Tess had just told him, Rita burst through the door.

"They're on their way." With one last look at Max, Tess followed Rita out of the room. Max hadn't moved from his position, his hand still over where Tess' hand had just been. Zoe. He couldn't think of anything else, his head filled with Tess' words. Zoe was still inside. Zoe was still inside. Zoe was still inside.

**Thanks for the reviews people, they make my day. I don't own anything, not even Max sadly. Hope y'all enjoyed the chapter, I'll try and update again today. **


	4. Chapter 4

"Max, you really should get some rest." Tess rested a hand on the shoulder of the young porter - he'd been by Zoe's side since she'd come out of theatre and had had next to no sleep.

"I can't. What if she wakes up?" Max didn't look up from Zoe's sleeping form once, his gaze fixed on her face.

"Then I'll be here. Go on." She gently nudged him. "She'll be fine. You know Zoe." Reluctantly, Max gave in and stood up, finally turning to face Tess.

"I love her, you know." He smiled sadly. "I didn't tell her. Thought it would scare her off." He looked back down at Zoe. "Wish I had now."

"Max-" Tess started, but he shook his head.

"I'm not sure she loves me. But that shouldn't matter, I should've told her."

"Max, she will. She's just had a hard time of it. But I think you're good for her." Tess pulled him into a hug, smiling as he tried and failed to hide the new wave of tears. As he excused himself and went to get some tea, she had never seen someone look so young and helpless. Shaking her head, she took his place at Zoe bedside, gently taking her friend's hand.

"You hear that? He reckons he loves you. I don't know how, he's only, what, twelve?" Tess paused, biting her lip. "You've got to come back, Zoe. Not just for Max, although I don't know what he'd do if you didn't. We all need you." Tess checked the monitor, trying to keep her emotions under control. As she did so, she felt a faint pressure on her hand. Inhaling sharply, she looked down at Zoe's face where two open, if slightly swollen eyes were looking up at her.

"Bloody hell." Zoe's voice was almost a whisper, husky as though she hadn't used it in years. "I feel like shit." She smiled weakly at Tess who was beaming down at her.

"Hey. You had us all worried for a minute there." Tess squeezed her younger colleague's hand, barely able to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Max." Zoe tried to sit up, straining against the wires in an attempt to find him. "Tess, where's-"

"It's okay," Tess soothed, softly getting Zoe to lie back, "I'll get him now." She took a deep breath and walked out into the hallway where Charlie was waiting, an exhausted Max asleep on his shoulder. Charlie raised his eyebrows, looking at Tess for any news.

"Well?" He whispered, the edge of optimism in his voice nearly but not quite concealed.

"She's awake." Tess grinned as Charlie let out a sigh of relief. "She wants to see him." Nodding, Charlie nudged Max awake. He came round with a start and was instantly asking about Zoe.

"Is she okay? What's happened?" He stood up, looking wide eyed at Tess.

"She's awake. And she's asking for you." Before she had even finished her sentence, Max had disappeared past her back to Zoe's bedside. Tess slumped into the seat next to Charlie, holding out an arm to prevent him from following Max. "Let them have their moment."

"Zo?" Max whispered, cautiously approaching Zoe's bed, wiping his eyes in a desperate attempt to keep it together.

"It's been a long time since someone called me that." Zoe said, almost as a thought to herself, her voice thick with sleep. "Nick used to do it." Max winced internally - even now, when he was the one stood by her bedside, the one supporting her, Nick Jordan made an appearance. Forcing himself to concentrate on Zoe, he sunk into the chair and reached out for her hand.

"I think we may have missed our reservation." He grinned before ducking his head to hide the emotions that were about to spill.

"You don't say." Zoe chuckled before wincing, biting her lip against the pain. "Hey." She lifted her hand to his face, smiling softly. "I'm fine now." Max shook his head.

"Zoe, I thought you were going to die. I don't understand all the medical stuff and you were just lying there." He took a deep breath, gently pushing the hair away from her face.

"And it made me realise I should have told you." Zoe's eyes widen as she realised what he was about to say.

"Max, I-"

"It's okay." He bent down and kissed her, so tenderly Zoe thought she might cry. He rested his forehead against hers, his hands gently cupped around her face. "I love you, Zoe. And I get that you might not yet, or that you can't say it or whatever, but I love you." He kissed her again before pulling away and settling back into his chair, laughing slightly at the look on her face. "You look like shit, by the way."

**OH MY GOD HAVE YOU ALL SEEN THE CLIP? I'm sobbing. Anyway hope you enjoyed the chapter, please R&R y'all x**


	5. Chapter 5

Zoe was due to be discharged tomorrow, assuming all things went to plan. She was going out of her mind with boredom - although Max was with her every minute he could spare, and the other ED members made frequent visits, she couldn't wait to get back to work. There was a certain amount of apprehension; Connie had taken over as Clinical Lead, and despite the two having talked the decision over and moved past any lingering tensions, it would be strange being just a doctor again.

Lost in her thoughts, Zoe barely registered someone appearing at the window - Charlie had kicked up such a fuss about loyalty and looking after one's own that she'd been moved to a private room. It wasn't until they spoke that she noticed them at all.

"Hiya stranger."

Zoe looked up at the familiar voice, grinning as she saw the figure slouching against the doorframe of her room.

"When the hell did you get here?" She laughed as Jay whipped out a massive bouquet of flowers and swept her into a huge hug. "Ow! Watch the ribs." She smiled as he let go immediately, concern etched across his features.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry." He flopped into the seat normally occupied by Max, handing the flowers to a nurse with a wink. "Ruth says she's really sorry she couldn't come, and that she hopes you're doing okay." He ran a hand through his ridiculous mess of curls, looking exactly as he had always done.

"How is she?" Zoe had grown closer to Ruth since the younger doctor had left, something Jay insisted was all his doing.

"She's good, yeah. Her due date's not for a few weeks but she's bloody huge." Jay grinned before leaning forward. "More to the point, how are you?"

"Physically, or gossip wise?" Zoe raised an eyebrow at Jay's protestations of innocence - she'd known him too long.

"Physically, obviously! Although if there is anything I should know..." He trailed off, looking at her expectantly.

"Well I'm being discharged tomorrow, thank god." She paused, laughter in her eyes. "But other, than that, nothing much to report."

"Dr. Hanna, are you seriously telling me there's no scandal going on? No affair, no court hearing, nothing?" Jay took the cup of tea from the nurse with a smile before turning back to Zoe. "Who are you, and what have you done with Zoe?"

Just as Zoe was about to reply, Max burst through the door.

"Can I hide in here? Robyn's on the warpath, I-" he came to a halt abruptly as he caught sight of Jay, who was looking between Zoe and Max as though Christmas had come early.

"Well well Dr. Hanna." He looked at her, eyes wide with delight.

"Shut up you." Zoe slapped him lightly on the arm before turning to Max. "Why is she on the warpath?"

"Doesn't matter." Max mumbled in reply, his gaze fixed on Jay.

"I'm Jay." Jay had stood up and was holding his hand out to Max, who shook it slowly.

"I'm Max." He looked between the two again. "Am I interrupting?"

"Max, don't be stupid, sit down." Zoe spoke up, gesturing to the end of her bed. "Jay and I used to work together, we're old friends." She could feel Jay scrutinising the exchange, trying to figure out what the situation. Turning to him, she grinned. "And you can close your mouth, you're catching flies. Max is a porter here." She felt Max shift at the bottom of the bed and glanced at him guiltily, not quite sure why she couldn't tell Jay what was really going on.

"Yeah. I just came to check you were okay which, obviously you are." Max stood up, nodding in Jay's direction while keeping his eyes fixed on Zoe.

"Max-" Zoe stretched out a hand, biting her lip nervously.

"I should get back. Robyn and all that. Nice meeting you, Jay." With a final look at Zoe, Max left the room, leaving it somewhat awkwardly silent.

"For a porter, he seems awfully attached." Jay observed, his teasing tone contradicting the comforting hand resting on Zoe's arm. Zoe didn't reply, her gaze following Max as he walked away. Jay patted her arm and stood up. "I've got to start heading back, it took me hours to get here and angry pregnant Ruth is not fun. Get better soon yeah?" Zoe nodded, finally looking back at Jay.

"Yes sir. Say hi to Ruth for me." She pulled him down into a hug, ignoring for a moment her bruised ribs. They stayed there for a minute, each wrapped up in thoughts from past and recent events. Jay was the first to pull away, wiping away a rogue tear. Aside from Charlie, Zoe was what he had missed most since leaving holby, and returning to see her so broken both physically and mentally had hit him hard.

"Tell him. Whatever it is, tell him." He pressed a kiss to her forehead before slowly retreating, pushing down the rising sense of guilt at leaving her in the middle of whatever was going on.

**Sorry it's taken me so long to update! Hope you all enjoyed Jay's brief return - I love him too much not to put him in! How perfect were those 44 seconds last night of cute Zax?! R&R please y'all x**


	6. Chapter 6

Less than an hour later, Zoe had discharged herself and was making her way slowly down to the ED. Max's shift finished in ten minutes, and if she times it right she could catch him as he was leaving. As she struggled to get down the stairs - she had no idea how patients coped with crutches - she caught sight of Max disappearing into the staff room. Before she could follow him however, Connie arrived in reception and saw her stranded in the middle of the stairs.

"Zoe, you should still be upstairs." Connie rushed over, holding a steadying hand on Zoe's back as they finally reached the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm fine, there's someone I have to talk to." Zoe was unsure about how much of her relationship with Max was public knowledge, and despite having become closer to Connie of late, she definitely would not have been the person Zoe chose to break the news to.

"I think he's talking to Charlie in the staff room." Connie smiled gently, giving Zoe's shoulders a light squeeze before heading off in the direction of cubicles. Zoe took a deep breath and made her way to the staff room, pausing only for a second before pushing open the door. Max and Charlie broke off from what seemed to be quite a heated debate and turned to look at her, and Zoe suddenly felt faint. Mentally shaking herself, she kept her eyes fixed on Max, who was looking everywhere except at her.

"Charlie, could you give us a minute?" Zoe smiled gratefully as Charlie nodded and left, closing the door quietly behind him. The following seconds dragged as Max continued to pace the length of the staff room and Zoe watched him, unsure of what to say.

"You shouldn't be here." Max broke the silence first, gesturing to the way Zoe was holding herself up against the wall.

"Yeah." Zoe inwardly cursed her sudden inability to form sentences, a wave of nausea washing over her as she did so.

"Jay seems nice." Max couldn't hide the jealously in his voice, and Zoe would have smiled had the comment taken place in any other conversation.

"He's just a friend. He knew me when I was a little more-" Zoe paused, unsure of what word to use "when I was younger." The longer the conversation went on for, the more unsteady she was becoming, and she gripped tightly onto the arm of the sofa.

"Like Nick did?" Max came to an abrupt halt, his voice laced with disdain. "Did Nick know you when you were younger? Was he just a friend?" Max slammed his fist against the lockers and Zoe flinched away from his sudden outburst.

"What happened with Nick is none of your business. It's finished, it doesn't matter any more." Zoe didn't understand why Max was bringing all this up now, what had happened with Nick had no bearing on her and Max.

"Of course it matters! Did you pretend not to care about him? Did you have to sneak around to be with him? Was he just a lowly porter?" Max had been moving closer and closer to Zoe throughout his tirade, and she was now pressed against the wall with him just centimetres away from her face. They stared at each other, both breathing heavily, Zoe almost in tears as she waited with baited breath to see what Max would do next. When he next spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper. "Did you love him?"

Zoe hesitated before nodding slowly, closing her eyes momentarily as Max clenched his jaw.

"Yes." Her voice was shaking but she had to make Max understand. "But Max, it all went wrong. Everything I care about seems to get messed up, even this place." She gestured to their surroundings. "I didn't want you to get hurt." Max turned away from her without another word and left the staff room, slamming the door behind him. Zoe felt herself slipping down the wall but forced herself to stay upright and follow Max - she couldn't let him go without him understanding first. Gritting her teeth, she abandoned her crutches and followed Max unsteadily out into reception. "Max, wait!" She grabbed onto the back of a chair for support, sensing the eyes of everybody in the area on her. Max turned around slowly, and Zoe took in his clenched fists as he spoke.

"That's pretty twisted Zoe. You think you're so special that people just throw themselves at you and not expect anything in return?" By now, most of the ED had heard the commotion and a crowd of staff members had gathered at the reception desk.

"No, that's not what I meant. I'm screwed up and I didn't want you involved in it because I-" she broke off, looking beseechingly at Max, willing him to understand what she was trying to say. Shaking his head, he turned away, and desperate not to see him go she ignored the voice in her head screaming about all the failed past relationships and attempts at love and whispered "because I love you."

As she did, several things happened at once. Max spun round and rushed towards her, Zoe finally gave into the faintness she had been feeling and collapsed and a tall figure in a suit appeared at the ED entrance, flowers in his hand and a look of amused confusion on his face.

**Oooo! Who's the mystery man? I'll try and update again tonight to make up for yesterday, but please R&R y'all! X**


	7. Chapter 7

Nick stood outside Zoe's cubicle, somewhat at a loss for what to do. When he had arrived, the first thing he'd seen was Zoe in floods of tears, declaring her love for some porter and then collapsing in the middle of reception. She'd just fainted, the stress of some argument or other, but he couldn't help laughing at her obviously still very much intact melodramatic streak. She'd come round fairly quickly, and the porter - Max, was that his name? - had picked her up, taken her to the nearest cubicle and stayed with her. Despite not wishing to intrude, Nick wasn't sure where else to go, and couldn't help watching the pair through a gap in the curtains of the cubicle.

"You know you could've just said, you didn't need to faint on me." Max laughed as Zoe swatted him gently before dragging him towards her by his collar.

"I've just told you I'm in love with you, you could be a little more sympathetic." Zoe told him, her arms snaking round to rest on his shoulders. Nick watched with a strange combination of happiness that she'd found someone and resentment, but he couldn't tell her why.

"Dr. Hanna, we are on hospital premises." In the cubicle, Max had his hands lightly resting on Zoe's thighs, slowly pushing up her skirt, the pair of them grinning like love sick teenagers.

"Shut up." Nick turned away as they kissed, not quite sure why he was finding the whole thing so uncomfortable. After a few seconds he glanced back, only to see Zoe tilting her head back as Max's hands found their way beneath her skirt. Coughing loudly, he waited a minute before opening the curtains and entering the cubicle, where he was met with a sheepish Max and a giggling Zoe. As soon as she realised who it was however, the smile dropped from Zoe's face and was replaced with a look of complete amazement. "Nick!" She threw her arms open, grinning and he rested the flowers at the foot of her bed before drawing her into a warm hug.

"How're you doing?" Nick almost subconsciously checked her notes, only stopping when she tapped his hands away. "Sorry."

"I'm fine, just a bit unsteady still." She glanced at Max, nervous of what his reaction to Nick would be given their argument earlier on. "Nick this is Max, Max this is..." She trailed off, gesturing helplessly towards Nick who held out his hand.

"Nick Jordan." Max hesitated before shaking his outstretched hand.

"You're the second guy Zoe's introduced me to today." Max said, his cheeks still flushed.

"Oh?" Nick raised his eyebrows, looking from Max to Zoe expectantly. "Jay, I assume." Zoe nodded in response, her hand resting on Max's arm as though she was scared he was about to do something stupid. "Max, would you mind if I had a minute with Zoe?" Nick turned to the young porter, who looked as though he would refuse until he caught Zoe's eye. She nodded reassuringly at him, kissing him once more before gently ushering him out of the cubicle. Nick watched the exchange closely; the boy was obviously besotted with Zoe, and as he watched Zoe follow Max down the corridor with her eyes, he realised the feelings were at least partly reciprocated.

"So, Michigan too boring for you?" Zoe turned back to Nick, smiling knowingly - the ED was his pride and joy, she'd been surprised he hadn't returned sooner.

"Something like that." Nick chuckled, before gesturing to where Max had been sat moments before. "He seems awfully young." Zoe rolled her eyes, shifting on the bed into a more comfortable position.

"It's eight years Nick. That's less than it was between us, and we managed just fine." She took a sip of water, refusing to acknowledge that Nick was addressing the very thing that was concerning her.

"Yes, but I distinctly remember me being the responsible one." Nick smiled gently at her. "I'm not looking for a fight Zoe, I just want to make sure you know what you're letting yourself in for."

"Well I do." Zoe lifted her chin, subconsciously defiant. "I appreciate the concern Nick, but he makes me happy." She studied Nick's unconvinced face before grinning. "I can give you details if you'd like. I mean, his hands alone -" She laughed as Nick raised his hands in surrender.

"No no, I believe you." He dropped his arms slowly, a sad smile spreading across his face. "I'm glad."

Zoe tutted. "Don't get all soppy on me, I'm not sure I can cope with any more emotion today." She took a deep breath to composed herself before continuing. "Anyway, how long are you over here for?"

"A few days I think. I just wanted to check everything was okay." He smiled as they heard Max coughing pointedly outside. "I think your toy boy wants to come back in." Zoe grinned despite herself, beckoning Max through the gap in the curtains with a finger.

"Everything alright?" Max was determined not to feel threatened, but Nick was everything he had expected and more - rich, powerful, confident - and Max was having a hard time believing that Zoe would be happy settling for him now that Nick was back in her life.

"Everything's fine," Zoe replied, smiling up at him and intertwining their fingers, "everything's fine.

**Writing Zax fluff makes me squeal! Hope you liked the chapter, 8 should be up later! R&R would be lovely y'all x**


	8. Chapter 8

Zoe awoke the next morning to the smell of coffee and freshly baked pastry. She blinked in the soft morning sunlight, her eyes focussing on the tray of breakfast on her bedside table, and she smiled as she felt Max's hands running down her back.

"Morning." She rolled over, kissing him softly. "You didn't have to get breakfast."

"Yeah, well." Max slowly shifted his attention to her neck. "I'm not so sure I'm that hungry anymore."As his lips moved south, a soft moan escaped her lips, and she felt him grinning against her skin. She pulled him back up reluctantly - her follow up appointment was in an hour, and she wanted to get it over with sooner rather than later.

"As much as I'd love to carry on, we are going to be late." Even as she was saying it, she felt his hands on her hips, dragging her towards him. "We are going to be very late." He agreed, swiftly pulling her on top of him and biting down gently on her collarbone.

"You are insatiable." Zoe tilted her head back as Max softly traced her curves with his hands. "Not that I'm complaining." She murmured, finally giving into him as he rolled them over and winked before disappearing beneath the sheets.

An hour later, Zoe lay sprawled across the bed waiting for Max to return with coffee - the first batch had gone cold, for obviously reasons. She'd missed her appointment, but Zoe reasoned that she deserved a bit of TLC given recent events. Just as she felt herself drifting back to sleep, her phone began to vibrate, the caller ID flashing Charlie's name. Sighing, she picked it up, wrapping herself tightly in Max's duvet.

"You do know it's 9 o'clock in the morning?" She paused. "On a Saturday?"

"Zoe, I've had some bad news." Charlie sounded shaken, and she sat up straighter, any lingering thoughts of sleep long gone.

"Is everything okay? Are you alright?" There was a pause on the other end of the phone, and Zoe heard Tess' voice in the background. "Are you with Tess? Is she hurt?"

"No, we're fine. Is there someone with you?" Charlie's voice had taken on a similar tone to one Zoe used when dealing with distressed relatives and she began to panic. With almost perfect timing, Max appeared at the doorway, brandishing coffee, and Zoe beckoned him over, covering the phone.

"It's Charlie. Something's happened." She lifted the phone again. "Yeah, I'm with someone. Charlie, will you just tell me what's going on?" She felt Max's hand resting gently on the small of her back and smiled at him gratefully.

"It's Nick." Charlie sounded as though he was bracing himself for Zoe's reaction, but she had no idea what was going on.

"What about him?" An awful thought struck her, her stomach flipping. "Is the tumour back?" She gripped Max's free hand, biting her lip so hard beads of blood appeared.

"Zoe, the tumour's been back for a while." Charlie paused. "Nick passed away earlier this morning." Zoe looked wide eyed at Max, not registering what Charlie had said. Max, although he had no idea what the conversation was about, panicked internally at the expression on Zoe's face - he had never seen her look so completely helpless. She raised the phone again, her hands shaking so violently he was surprised she hadn't dropped it.

"No. Charlie, he's fine, he, he came to see me two days ago, he's not -" her voice broke, and with it Max's heart. When she next spoke, it was the voice of someone much younger. "Charlie, please." She looked like a child, curled up, gripping the phone and Max's hand as though they were her only lifelines. Despite having no idea what was going on, Max gently prised the phone away, turning from Zoe slightly as he spoke to Charlie.

"Charlie, it's Max. What's happened?" As Charlie explained, Max could only watch Zoe sitting next to him, her face drained of all colour and tears streaming down her cheeks. Once he had hung up, the pair sat it silence for a moment, the only sound Zoe's sobs. Max hesitated before pulling her into a hug, feeling her entire frame collapse against his chest as she gave into the emotions coursing through her body. "Zo, I am so sorry." He felt her freeze at the nickname, and mentally kicked himself as he remembered the was what Nick called her. "Charlie's coming over, I thought you might want him here." He knew how much Zoe relied on Charlie for support, and it was clear the older man cared hugely about her.

"I want Nick." Zoe lifted her head, unable to comprehend how such a perfect morning had disappeared so quickly. "Max, he can't be gone. He can't just leave me." She hit her fists against Max's chest. "It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not-" another wave of sobs took hold of her and Max grabbed her hands, pulling her to him again. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours until a knocking at the door told them Charlie had arrived. As soon as he entered the house, Zoe began screaming at him, blaming Charlie, blaming Nick, blaming herself. Max had never seen her so wild before, she was inconsolable, and Charlie took all of it, waiting until she was completely exhausted before approaching her. He led her over to the sofa where they stayed, Zoe resting her head on his lap, until she fell asleep and Charlie gently stood up, carefully placing a pillow under her head.

"I should be getting back." Charlie glanced at Max's panicked face - he had no idea how to deal with a grieving Zoe. "Call if you need me." He paused at the door. "You just have to be there for her. She loves you, but she loved him too and she'll find that hard. Just be there." With a sad smile,Charlie left, leaving the house in a silence heavy with Zoe's grief..

**I am so so sorry...tried to make up for killing Nick with some Zax fluff at the start! Hope y'all enjoyed the chapter, not quite sure where to go with this so any ideas welcome! Love you forever if you R&R x**


	9. Chapter 9

Max woke the next day, his head banging and the other half of his bed empty. Zoe had taken the spare room, and not wanting to upset her anymore than was needed he had left her there, tears still staining her cheeks and her hand bleeding - she'd lashed out at a glass while they'd been having dinner and she'd gone to bed without eating or dressing the cut. Sighing, Max heaved himself out of bed, resting his head in his hands. He didn't want to call Charlie, but the prospect of dealing with a angry, grieving Zoe was not a pleasant one. He stood up and padded down the corridor to the room where Zoe was sleeping and pushed the door open, frowning when he saw the empty bed.

"Zoe?" He called down the stairs, briefly checking the bathroom before going to down to the kitchen. As he continued searching the house, a wave of apprehension rose inside him - Zoe was no where to be seen.

"Zoe?" He grabbed a t-shirt and headed out into the street, a couple of passerbys looking at him oddly. He frantically dialled her number, hugging himself against the cold morning air as he waited for her to pick up. "Come on, come on." He muttered, cursing as it went through to voicemail. "She's just gone to hers. Calm down." Max muttered to himself, jumping in his car and heading to Zoe's apartment. Grabbing the spare key from under the mat, he let himself in, making a point of being loud in case she was asleep. "Zoe? Zoe, this isn't funny." He took the stairs two at a time, checking every room twice. Once it became clear the apartment was empty, he rang Charlie, desperately praying Zoe had gone to work or round to Charlie's, somewhere people could look after her and stop her doing something stupid.

"Hello?" After several long seconds, Charlie's voice came through the phone and Max nearly cried in relief.

"Charlie! It's Max, Zoe's car's missing, she's not at her apartment, I can't find her anywhere." Max had locked the door and hastily jumped in his car, still only dressed in boxers and a t-shirt, and was now driving towards the ED while frantically surveying the surroundings for Zoe.

"What do you mean? When did you last see her?" Charlie beckoned Tess over, mouthing "Zoe's missing", before turning back to the phone. "Max?"

"Yeah, it was last night, she cut her hand and went to bed but she wasn't there this morning." Max hung up as he pulled into the hospital car park, checking the bench, Zoe's smoking spot, the gardens, anywhere he thought she could be holed up before heading inside. He was met by a frantic Charlie and a reassuring Tess, who was attempting to keep Charlie from calling the police.

"Charlie, Zoe's an adult, she's probably just gone to clear her head. I think we should all just calm-"

"She's Zoe, who knows what she's done." Charlie turned round as he caught sight of Max at the entrance. "What the hell were you thinking, leaving her on her own?" He was practically spitting as he passed a stunned Max on his way out. Max turned to look at Tess, arms spread wide in disbelief at Charlie's uncharacteristic outburst.

"How was I meant to know she'd do this?" His raised voice was beginning to attract attention and Tess quickly ushered him into the relatives room, shutting the door behind them quickly.

"Ignore Charlie. He's just very protective of her, I think he feels partly responsible for her, especially now Nick's gone." Tess' voice caught momentarily, and Max looked away as she composed herself. "She'll just be getting her head together, that's all." Tess paused, smiling at him. "I'm glad she's got you." Max looked up confused, hastily wiping his eyes. "Things got messy with Nick, and before that, and I think she just needs someone to rely on."

"How do you mean, messy?" Max knew there had been problems with Nick and with - Matt, that was his name - but Zoe had been very vague about the details.

"I'm not sure it's my place to say. But I think, I hope, it'll be different with you." Tess rested a comforting hand on his back before leaving him to his thoughts and heading back out to the department. Despite being incredibly worried for her younger colleague, she didn't want the entire ED knowing that Zoe was verging on what was, as far as Tess could see, a breakdown. It wasn't surprising really - the helicopter crash, quitting, Max, Nick returning, Nick dying - everything in Zoe's life appeared to have exploded in just a short space of time. She glanced over to Resus and saw Connie watching her closely through the glass doors, her eyes slightly narrowed. Sighing, she turned back - if Connie knew something was wrong, it wouldn't be long until others started noticing. Distracted for a minute, she didn't notice her phone ringing until it was almost to late.

"Tess, finally." Charlie's voice came through, crackling slightly. "I can't find her anywhere. She's not in any of the usual places, Sharice doesn't know where she is, I don't know who else to ask."

Tess bit her lip, trying to keep calm for both of them. "She's only been gone two or three hours Charlie. Have you -" she took a deep breath," have you checked the bridge?" When Zoe and Nick had split for the second time, Zoe had gone AWOL, and Tess had found her swinging her legs off the bridge leading out of Holby. Tess didn't think she'd meant anything by it, she'd just wanted to escape everyone for a bit, but it had given Nick in particular a huge shock.

"No, I didn't think about it. Tess, you don't think-"

"No, I don't. Last time she was there she wasn't going to- she wasn't going to do anything stupid. She just wanted a break. It's the same thing." Tess lowered her voice as Connie approached her. "We'll be there in twenty."

**Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! I think I'm going to finish this one in a chapter or two, I can't really put poor Zoe through anymore! R&R would be lovely y'all x**


	10. Chapter 10

Zoe looked down at the water thirty feet under the bridge, taking another swig from the bottle next to her and wincing as it burnt her throat. She thought back to the last time she'd been here, when she had sat for hours weeping over the child she'd never had and the love she'd lost. Nick had been there, every step, despite the huge hole she'd created in their relationship. His face swam through her mind, the look of weary exasperation he wore every time she did something stupid. When Adam and she had turned up two hours late because they'd lost her car the night before, when Jay had carried her down the street at Kirsty's birthday, the pair of them giggling like maniacs. When she'd texted him ridiculously inappropriate messages during meetings, or when he'd ranted at her at work before making it up to her later. She hated how much she missed him, how she'd had no time to prepare for it, to talk to him. She hated how understanding everyone was being - she wanted to shout, scream, lash out, but all she got in return was pitying looks and comforting hugs. Charlie, who had become almost a father figure to her, Tess, Jay and Max, lovely Max, who she had allowed herself to fall for, so fast she couldn't remember not being in love with him. She took another gulp from the bottle, cursing as it emptied. With shaking fingers, she pulled out a lighter and watched the flame for a few seconds before taking a long drag from the cigarette.

"You want to watch those shakes." Nick's voice echoed through the air and she smiled weakly. "I'm here if you need me."

"Oh sod you." She whispered, shutting her eyes to try and block him out. "You're not anymore, are you?" She tilted her head back as it started raining, the droplets pelting her skin and soaking through her clothes.

Charlie ran to meet Tess and Max as they appeared at the end of the bridge. The rain was getting heavier, and there had been a faint rumble of thunder a couple of minutes ago.

"You were right Tess." He pointed over to where Zoe was precariously sat on the edge of the bridge and Max brought a hand to his mouth, retching slightly as he felt a wave of nausea hit him. Tess and Charlie's voices faded as he focused on Zoe, her clothes clinging to her skin and a bottle of something lying next to her. Almost without thinking, he walked towards her, shaking off Tess' warning hand on his shoulder. Stopping just short of her he called out, not wanting to alarm her given where she was sat.

"Zoe? It's me. Can I come over?" He waited for a minute and when there was no response he slowly closed the gap between them, gingerly sitting down next to her. "Bloody hell, it's a bit high." Again, there was no response, but he felt her relax slightly next to him. "We've all been really worried about you."

"Why?" Zoe looked out across the river, her face blank.

"Because we love you. And because you're not exactly predictable." Max slowly removed his jacket and put it over her shoulders - he didn't need a medical degree to see she was much colder than was healthy.

"Why? Why do you love me?" It was such an odd question that Max just looked at her for a minute, trying to work out what she was looking for. "I wouldn't. Nick's dead, and you know what? I hate him for it, for being so bloody selfish. I almost wrecked his life, twice, and I now I'm blaming him for his death. What kind of person does that make me?" She stubbed out her cigarette, glancing over at Max, a terrifying lack of emotion in her eyes. "It's what I do, you know. Wreck people's lives. It's my talent." She paused, looking at Max. "That and getting a decent shag."

"Zoe, someone you're incredibly close to just died. I think what you're feeling makes you a fairly normal person." Max looked over at Tess and Charlie, who were nodding at him encouragingly. "You don't wreck people's lives, you're a doctor, by definition you help people." He paused, glancing anxiously at the water below, rushing past at a frightening speed. "And I do love you. I love you because you stamp your foot when you're angry, and you sing when you don't think anyone's listening." Zoe turned away from him, frowning. "I love you because you wear the same one of my shirts when you stay, because you cry every time you come off the phone with Sharice."

"Max, stop it." Zoe stood up, grabbing onto the bridge barrier. "Just stop it." She looked at him with tears in her eyes, chewing her lip furiously. Max carefully stood up as well, nodding towards Tess and Charlie. "I love you because they love you, because everyone you meet does." He paused, stretching out his hand to her. "Because Nick does." The tears began to fall freely down Zoe's cheeks, and she began shaking violently, as though everything that had happened in the last few days had hit her all at once.

"Max, please stop it." He could see the warring emotions on her face, how desperately she wanted to believe what he was saying. He took a step closer, his hand still reaching out.

"I love you, Zoe, because you're the most amazing person I've ever met." She collapsed into his arms and he had to steady himself on the barrier, warily looking at the huge drop on the other side if him. "And I'm not being funny, but your insanely talented lips are not something I want to lose." He felt her grin against his neck, and he smiled with relief at Charlie who was running over to help get them back to a safer position. "Come on, let's get you home."

**Hope you enjoyed it! I think the next chapter will be the last one, so thanks to everyone that's read it! Please R&R, it'd make my day x**


	11. Chapter 11

"Zo. Zoe, wake up." Max grinned as she slowly opened her eyes, squinting at the bright sunlight. "We need to get up." He raised his eyebrows as a smile slowly spread across her face. "What?" Leaning over, Zoe kissed him softly before answering.

"You called me Zo." She whispered against his lips. "You've not called me that since Nick died." Two months on, and it was the first time she'd been able to say his name without bursting into tears on the spot. She kissed him again, and this time he responded, gently rolling on top of her and pushing himself up on his forearms. Her hands began to roam down his chest and beyond and he pulled away, running his tongue across his teeth and delighting in the way her eyes followed it.

"Dr. Hanna, we have got guests." He bit his lip as her hands wandered beneath his boxers, her eyes fixed on his face as she did so.

"I think they might have to wait." She whispered, lifting her head to kiss him slowly. "Anyway, it's my birthday," she pouted. Grinning, he grabbed her hands and flipped them over in one swift movement, making her squeal and collapse, giggling, onto his chest. "Max!"

An hour later, Zoe made her way downstairs, wrapped in Max's shirt and a dazed smile plastered on her face. Jay, already sat on the sofa cradling a coffee, raised his eyebrows knowingly.

"Good morning." He threw a card in her direction, laughing as she swore at him. "Happy birthday you boozy cougar." The pair turned as Max entered the room, Jay rolling his eyes as he lifted Zoe onto the counter, kissing her fiercely. "Put her down, you're like a pair of teenagers." Zoe stuck her tongue out, jumping off the work top and picking up a cup of tea.

"I'll take this up to Ruth, I want to spend some time with your gorgeous son." Winking at Max, she swept out of the room.

"She is bloody fantastic." Max watched her go with an expression of pure disbelief across his face. "I swear Jay, her mouth is-" he broke off grinning as Jay shoved his fingers in his ears.

"Mate, that is something I do not need to know." He removed his fingers, lowering his voice. "So, when are you going to ask her?" He wafted his left hand at Max.

"Tonight. I want it to be special." Max grinned as Jay pretended to gag. "And she's gonna be horny as hell afterwards, I want to be able to get her upstairs ASAP."

"Mate!" Jay threw a nearby magazine at his head, the pair of them still laughing as Ruth appeared at the doorway carrying a sleeping Josh. Jay expression changed to one of complete adoration as he took in his sleepy wife and child. "Morning." He whispered, kissing Ruth softly, the pair of them cooing over their son. Max smiled at the young family before catching sight of Zoe, looking at them with something similar to longing. He beckoned her over, wrapping his arms around her.

"I never really wanted kids. All those nappies, early mornings, interrupted sex...I just don't see the appeal." Zoe grinned up at him. "Yeah, me neither." She wriggled out of his grasp, checking the time. "Shit." Ruth mock glared at her, laughing as Jay covered Josh's ears. "Sorry! We've got to start getting this place ready for this evening." Jay caught Max's eye as Zoe started listing what had to be done, waggling his left hand. Max grinned at him before smacking Zoe's bum and heading into the lounge.

That evening, the party was in full swing. Zoe had drunk far more than she had been planning, and she and Adam had started a game of catch with one of the less attractive ornaments her mother had given her. Tess was giving them disapproving looks and Jay and Cal were attempting to convince Charlie that what he really needed was another drink. Politely excusing himself, caught sight of Tess and wandered over.

"Just like old times." He nodded at Adam and Zoe, who were now giggling over the shattered remains of a lime green vase. Tess nodded, smiling reluctantly.

"I'm glad she's back." Charlie glanced at his friend, understanding exactly what she meant. After a moment's comfortable silence, he looked around, scanning the room for Max.

"You haven't seen our favourite porter have you?" Tess shook her head, peering through the room before pointing over to where Max was stood, chatting nervously to Jay. "What on earth is he doing?" Charlie was answered a second later when Jay stood, swaying slightly, on the drinks table, tapping a glass.

"Speech, speech!" The room slowly quietened as everyone turned, slightly bemused, towards a drunk Jay and an anxious Max. Jay beamed at the room, basking in the attention. "I would like to raise a glass to everyone's favourite forty-going-on-twenty year old." He swung a drunken arm towards Zoe, who was gesticulating at him from Adam's arms. "Zoe, you are a completely liability and we all love you for it." He raised his glass. "To Zoe!" The room echoed him, but before they could return to the party, Jay tapped his glass again. "One more thing. Our young friend Max has something to say." He looked expectantly at Max who cleared his throat, his usual confidence returning as he approached Zoe. Grinning at her perplexed expression, he pulled out a small velvet box and with a flourish got down on one knee. The entire room was holding their breath as they watched Zoe sober up faster than she'd ever done in her life.

"Max, what are you doing?" She hissed, grinning despite herself.

"I never did repay you for that cigarette." He winked at her and cleared his throat, his voice taking on a more serious tone. "I love you Zo. And I'm fairly sure you love me, so I was wondering if you'd do me the honour-" he broke off as Zoe hauled him to his feet, kissing him so hard he nearly toppled back over. When they finally broke apart, amongst the cheers and wolf whistles from the room, Max whispered "I'll take that as a yes then." Zoe grinned before turning to the rest of the party.

"Thank you all so much for coming. Stay as long as you want, Charlie you're in charge." She glanced at Max, licking her lips. "I'm afraid I've got something that needs seeing to. Urgently." With that, she disappeared upstairs, Max mouthing "Horny as hell," to Jay before following her. When they reached the privacy of the hall, Zoe turned to Max.

"Best birthday present ever."

**FINISHED! Thank you so much to everyone that read the story, hope you enjoyed the ending! Please R&R for a final time, it'd be lovely! X**


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